Of course you trust your guy! He'd never cheat. Or would he? Men give off signals that they'll be unfaithful, relationship experts say. Find out the top 14 clues that your guy will cheat on you...
Recent studies reveal that 50%-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship (about 45%-55% of married women cheat).
And the women being cheated on? About 70% have no idea. Or maybe they just don’t want to know.
It doesn’t have to be that way. Men give off tons of hints that they’re inclined to cheat, relationship experts say.
For starters, there are the classic signs:
A sudden drop off in sex
Cash withdrawals or credit card charges you can’t account for
Working late a lot
New attention to his looks and wardrobe
An eagerness to run errands that get him out of the house for hours
But more subtle signs — certain personality quirks, his family dynamic and past relationships — also can clue you into whether a man’s more likely to cheat, even if he hasn’t yet.
“Any one sign won’t tell you that your man is cheating,” says Los Angeles family therapist and psychologist Leslie Seppinni, Psy.D. (aka Dr. Leslie).
But pay attention if you notice three or more signs, she says. They’re hints that he has pulled away from you and is moving toward someone else.
So how do you know if he’s likely to step out on you? Read on for 14 cheating tip-offs in a man’s personality, background and behavior.
1. He has a super-sized ego.
In his eyes, he’s Superman and believes everyone else should think so too. Mental health pros call it narcissism.
“People with narcissistic personality traits feel that they’re entitled to more things than other people,” says Dennis Lin, M.D., assistant professor of psychiatry at Albert Einstein College of Medicine and director of the psycho-sexual medicine program at Beth Israel Medical Center in New York City.
“They’re more likely to cheat because they feel they don’t have to play by the rules,” says Lin.
Such men are aggressive in their work and relationships, says New York City psychotherapist Michael Batshaw, author of 51 Things You Should Know Before Getting Engaged (Trade Paper Press).
“They always see things as power struggles – you’re a winner or a loser,” he says. Such a man would “get a thrill out of cheating because it’s a game and he’s winning.”
2. He has no sense of guilt.
Men who don’t feel remorse or guilt when they do something wrong are prime candidates for cheating, Lin explains.
Why?
“They won’t have those emotions holding them back,” he says.
3. He’s an excellent liar.
We don’t mean an occasional exaggeration about his golf handicap – or little “relationship-saving” fibs to the question, Do I look fat in this?
“We’re talking about the more selfishly motivated lie to maintain appearances or avoid an unpleasant reaction,” explains Craig Malkin, Ph.D., a psychologist in Cambridge, Mass.
Most of us feel guilt or self-consciousness when we lie. Not this man.
“He doesn’t feel the sting that people normally feel,” Malkin says.
4. He’s a passion junkie.
Some men just love the beginnings of relationships, when it’s all champagne, roses and stolen weekends of white-hot sex.
When the relationship naturally settles, ecstasy cools but intimacy deepens, and he may start jonesing for a new passion fix.
5. He has cheated before.
Any therapist will tell you that past cheating behavior indicates an unfaithful future.
“More than one instance of infidelity is a really bad sign,” Malkin says.
6. He learned it at home.
If one or both his parents were routinely unfaithful, your man may be more inclined to cheat – especially if his father was the skirt-chaser.
“Daddy was the first male role model, so when it comes to mirroring men’s behavior, he’ll end up [doing] what he saw in the house,” says New York City therapist Gilda Carle, Ph.D., author of Don’t Bet on the Prince and How to Win When Your Mate Cheats (downloadable at www.drgilda.com).
7. He lost his job.
Don’t hit the panic button: His loss of a paycheck doesn’t necessarily signal an affair.
But unemployment puts strain on a marriage and can make a man feel vulnerable, especially if he had the job for decades and it defined his identity. He’ll be looking high and low for validation that he’s still worthwhile.
“When guys aren’t feeling so good about themselves, they may boost their self-esteem through an affair,” Batshaw says.
Plus, spending time with a woman who doesn’t demand anything of him can be an escape.
“He’s looking for a feel-good moment — someone who appreciates him and isn’t saying, Why haven’t you found a job?” Dr. Leslie says.
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