The definition of hoard is a hidden fund or supply stored for future use. Sounds pretty normal right? Well what if it’s something that you will never use or have no business using in the future? Or what if it’s something that you have no business using now so it damn well wouldn’t help you in the future? Have you ever wondered if you could hoard things that are intangible; holding on to things like thoughts or ideas? Well I am guilty, guilty of hoarding the most precious intangible thing; emotions. Yes, I was once an emotional hoarder. It is human nature to hold on to emotions that you once held from a past relationship because of the false hope we all have that our love will come back into the picture. This may seem harmless but it is not! Just like the people on the show Hoarders need an intervention, emotional hoarders do too!
I came to this conclusion when a previous ex came back into my life. He was my first real boyfriend so this bond was once everything to me. My ex and I are the most passionate incompatible people ever. We love hard but we loved wrong when we chose each other. I am a super emotional, outgoing person who yearns for hugs and kisses and cuddling 24/7. He is a chill, arrogant, emotionally absent individual who despises lips touching, hands being held, and PDA is a H E L L no. Polar opposite’s right? Many wondered why we even liked each other. Hell, I wondered the same thing! But when we met, we both fell hard… initially. We would talk daily, see each other bi-daily, and we were inseparable for the first month. Flowers for no reason, surprise visit sat work, and he was even affectionate. I guess that was how long our honeymoon stage lasted because that next couple of months were HELL! An emotional person coupled with an emotionless person is a match made by the devil; it will never work. We argued everyday, he criticized the way I looked, and he accused me of having sex with Tom, Dick, Harry, and Larry too. No, he wasn’t a bad person but he was going through a bad time. Needless to say, this was an unhealthy relationship and I needed to get out immediately. Because I was so emotionally invested, I just didn’t want to let go. It took him to break up with me before we ended. This was the best thing he could have ever done. When we broke up, I was hurt but I knew it was for the best. It took me years to get the confidence back that he took away from me with his verbal abuse. I still struggle sometimes today.
After a year and a half of being broken up, he showed up again. All of my friends said, “run away” but something made me hear him out. It’s something about missing someone that makes you only remember the good times and forget all of those horrible moments that made you leave their ass alone in the first place. Well we started hanging out lightly at first. Months past by and we were talking every other day and seeing each other often and I kept telling myself “I’m over him”. Well I thought I was until we slept together and all of those feelings came rushing back. After that, I found myself being that same emotional weak girl that I was when we were together. I found myself yearning to be with him again. I forgot all the bad he had done and just wanted him back. It wasn’t until I asked myself “why do you want him?” that I realized that I was an emotional hoarder.
When you break up with someone you truly care about, it is really hard to completely let go of all those emotions. Many people hold on to some of those feelings because there is always a hope that one day, you’ll get back together. Well I am here to tell you that not everyone deserves a second chance. You must always remember why you aren’t with them in the first place. Do not continue to give your ex the power of coming in and out of the picture and taking you on an emotional roller coaster because it is not fair or healthy. Stop hoarding those emotions because you’re only prolonging your healing process. And while you’re hoarding those emotions, you’re missing out on someone willing to treat you how you deserve to be treated. As an emotional hoarder, just have to remember all those bruises that your ex put on your heart to prevent you from going back. So put on your sweats, head tie, and gloves because it is time to do some cleaning because no more hoarding those past emotions. After you have physically removed them from your life it is time to clean out that emotional closet because you’ve been hoarding for far too long.
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