GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY Part 8 “When I was Single”

TOPIC: GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY 8 “When I was Single”
PREACHER: Pastor Wale Afelumo  (Resident Pastor, FWC Wuye)
SCRIPTURES: Hebrews 2:17-18, 4:15, 5:1-2

Jesus qualifies as a faithful and compassionate High Priest because in His humanity, He faced and overcame the same weaknesses and temptations that confront you. Likewise I am qualified to bring this message to singles because I was once single like you.

I pray God uses my experience as a single to answer such questions as, “How do I manage singlehood? How do I know the right person to marry? How should I approach that person and maintain a godly relationship? How do I overcome sexual temptation? 

Story 1:
I became born again at the age of 23. When I joined Family Worship Centre I became a church boy by serving God diligently. I entered into a relationship with a young lady but broke up after 4 years because we were immature. We had disagreements over irrelevancies and we were not just happy. I made our parting as clean and amicable as possible.
Lesson:
-The way a relationship turns out depends on what you put into it.
-If a relationship is not heading towards marriage, end it honorably.
- The end of a relationship should be clean, clear to both parties and cordial.

Story 2:
I went into another relationship that also didn’t work out. I discovered the lady had other people she was dating (including a friend of mine). She got married only recently.
Lesson:
-         Don’t be involved in more than one relationship.
-         Be friendly and be kind when turning down a request for a relationship.
-         If you think you are too “hot” because you are constantly the centre of attention, be careful because a time might come when all that attention disappears.

Story 3:
I had many platonic friends as a single; I joined other singles on picnics, social gatherings, etc. My wife was in my group friends, and she sometimes counseled me on other ladies I liked; she was kind and friendly.
Lesson:  Develop platonic friendships; communicate with the opposite sex. You may just be a friend away from your spouse. Be committed to coming to Church, for Godly people are looking for Godly relationships.

Story 4: I used to visit my ‘wife to be’ with my friend (Yakubu Yola). I was thoroughly captivated by her legs. We were alike in not owning very much and in our love for cartoons however she wasn’t as spiritual as I would have wanted. I asked her to marry me in 1999. Though I  didn’t own much , I had lots of faith in God.
Lessons:
-Good friends will help you with good counsel when making your choice (Pastor Yakubu was mine).
-Find common grounds in the person you want to marry
-  if you choose  a partner that has a similar socio-economic as you do, there will be less chance for rejection.
-Ladies should be approachable.
-Men should make their intention known early.
-Everybody has something God has given them to make them attractive. Enhance what God has given you.

Story 5: As our relationship deepened I began to doubt my choice because I kept on comparing her to other young ladies. She also seemed to have more negative qualities than I had seen originally. When I prayed on the matter I learnt every decision carries an element of risk while success will require faith and an exercise of my will.
Lesson: 
-Seek God’s opinion on your choice before you get too emotionally involved.
- The person you want to marry may not have all the qualities you want but that shouldn’t disqualify the person.

How do you know the right person? You must Pray. Philippians 1:9 (msg)
Spirituality is a basic requirement in knowing who the right person is; its however important you check for compatibility. Doing God’s will in a relationship is more important than finding out who the right person is.
Don’t let someone who is not decided about you waste your time.

Story 6: After making a final decision in my choice of my fiancée, I still saw many pretty ladies and sometimes felt I should have waited for them. Some came openly to start a relationship, but I politely refused.
Lesson: Do not double date as a single. Don’t waste someone’s time when you know you won’t marry them.

Story 7: My wife and I celebrated each other and gave gifts while we dated. Friends thought she was lucky to have me; I told them I was luckier to have her.
Lesson: None is doing the other person a favour in a relationship; you both are mutually benefiting from it. Never belittle each other.

We had misunderstandings while we dated, but we never used abusive words. I went into the Bible for scriptures to keep us from pre-marital sex. You can reduce your being alone together to avoid fornication. Make sure your relationship is not built on lust, but on love. Premarital sex will destroy the foundation of your marriage.

Journey into marriage:
I knew I wanted to get married, because my love for my wife got stronger every day. Though I had nothing, I got some scriptures and started confessing them. With the things we learnt in Premarital Class, I knew our marriage would work; and it is working.
Lessons: Don’t stay in a relationship indefinitely. Don’t let financial considerations alone decide your wedding plans, understand the place of prayer, faith, confession, and of favor. Premarital Class is a must for anyone serious to succeed at marriage.

Advise:
If you have waited for this long, then do it right. While you wait, spend your time serving God.

Recommendation:
Be real. Be friendly. Be focused. And be Godly.

Get this message at the Tape Room in the Church Office. And follow on social media with #marriageandfamily #single

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