You MIGHT be a parent if any of these have ever happened to you. Here are 11 ways to tell you're a parent. Kids, man.
What is it about going to the bathroom that acts as a Bat Signal for children, alarming them to your whereabouts and begging them to be your audience whilst you do your business?
The five second rule takes on a whole new meaning when you're a parent. Is that chocolate on the carpet or poop?
YOU are more impressed with childrens' music than your children and you don't even care who knows it. SING IT, PARENTS!
A quiet house is probably not a good house because if your kids are quiet there's a good chance this is happening.
You SHOULD go to sleep when the kids are in bed, but it's the first time all day you've had control of the television so you embrace it and pay for it the next morning.
Sleeping until 7 a.m. is now considered "sleeping in" and you've woken up in a dark living room more than once with no recollection of falling asleep.
You're still wearing the sweats you were wearing yesterday (and the day before). Bonus? You've figured out how to put those puppies to use.
Grocery shopping alone feels like a vacation and grocery shopping with children should be an Olympic sport. You'd totally get a gold medal! Or bronze. Whichever.
Some things come out of your mouth and you have flashbacks to that one party at college and realize that toddlers are basically tiny drunk people.
Any time you hear the word "MOM!" shouted in your general direction in public, your head turns involuntarily. Then you realize it wasn't even your kid who yelled.
The only way this happens is if the kids are sleeping over at Grandma's house. And even then, you're probably just crashing. In your sweats
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