by Happeningsnaija.com
Credit: Happeningsnaija.com
Intercourse, sexual touch, oral sex, no matter who you are, any form of sex can be a very scary thing.., especially if it's your first time. To overcome your fear and become more comfortable in a sexual relationship, use these techniques. Below that you’ll find instructions for easing into a comfortable sexual session.
- Learn how to please yourself. How can you expect anyone else to push your buttons if you’re not even sure where they are? Set a mood that works for you (roses and candles for some, boots and leather for others), fantasize, and touch yourself everywhere. The human body has quite a few erogenous zones (the biggest of which is in the brain), so if you immediately gallop toward the privates, you’ll be missing layers and layers of what it means to be sexual.
Experiment with a variety of touches. Ah, so you’ve found something that kicks your libido into high gear. Congratulations! Now whatever you do, do not keep repeating that technique ad infinitum. Locking yourself into only one style of pleasure will make it extremely difficult for anyone else to satisfy you. Even if they manage to master your technique, the two of you will then be locked into a strict routine, which is a libido killer.
Avoid watching porn when you first learn to self-please. Though there’s nothing wrong with enjoying porn, it can make you more visually dependent (i.e. less mentally and emotionally creative) when it comes to sex, which can dampen your satisfaction in the real world. Instead, create a variety of tantalizing scenarios in your head and imagine yourself living them out; it will make you a more creative lover.
2. Don’t have sex unless you’re very turned on. Maybe you’ve given yourself an ultimatum to lose your virginity. Maybe you’ve made a weekly sex schedule with your partner. And maybe you’ll be glad of it when the time comes. But whatever you do, don’t have sex until your body is on the same page as your mind. Enjoy as much kissing, touching, foreplay, dirty talk, and other forms of stimulation as you need before having intercourse.
Lack of arousal makes sex very painful for women this includes digital (finger or touching) stimulation. When a woman is aroused, her vagina becomes wet (which lubricates, making entry easier and reducing painful friction), widened and elongated (which makes it able to accommodate a penis or other inserted item), and swollen (making sex pleasurable and encouraging orgasm).[1][2] If you’re afraid of sexual discomfort, honor your body by asking for extra time and TLC before having sex.
3. Experiment with other forms of sex first. “Sex” is a huge word that encompasses a lot of acts, and intercourse isn’t the end-all, be-all. In fact, going straight from kissing to intercourse is a wasted opportunity to have fun, add spice to your love life, and practice your technique with your partner. As you travel down the path of your sexuality, be sure to make pit stops at rubbing, humping, and any other techniques you think of along the way.
4. Don’t be afraid to take charge of the situation. Though it might seem embarrassing to be vocal about what you want, sexual assertiveness is a big turn-on for most people. (Don’t confuse this with aggressiveness – unless that’s what you’re both into.) Take the reins by telling your partner what you want – even if it’s what you want them to do to you.
5. Get to know the person you're thinking of having sexual relations with. Rushing into sex isn’t a good way to create intimacy or spice things up – especially if you feel pressured to do so. Make it clear whether you will be emotionally involved or if it is just a fling. If your feelings do change, tell your partner.
6. Find the root of your aversion reaction. If you have an unpleasant sexual history, you’ve probably developed a knee-jerk negative reaction to sex. Instead of feeling guilty or ashamed of your feelings, acknowledge and validate them so that you can work through them productively. Most importantly, don’t do it for anyone else; do it for yourself.
If sex does not feel pleasurable, spend more alone time finding your own erogenous zones. Pleasure yourself without pressure, deadlines, or stress. If even relaxed masturbation feels painful, talk to a doctor. You may have a condition such as dyspareunia.
If sex feels more like a duty than an adventure, respect your emotional needs, which are not being met. Did sex start out as something you did in the spirit of generosity that then become a dreaded obligation? Talk to your partner about trying new techniques. Show him or her what you’d like to do and have done to you. If hurt feelings are a potential problem area, package the whole thing as fun and experimentation, not frustration or revulsion. Whatever you do, don’t give up on improving the situation; having sex solely to please someone else is a surefire way to grow to hate it.
If you’ve had a traumatic sexual experience, you should focus on self-pleasure before you work up to partner sex. Reconnect with your body, which you may feel has been taken from you. Forget about anyone else’s needs or opinions until you’ve reestablished your relationship with yourself, ideally with the help of a therapist. Once you feel excited about making love again, establish a safe, slow, trusting relationship with someone before even considering having sex. You’ll probably find that being open with your partner will make them much more patient and understanding.
How to Ease into a Comfortable Sexual Session
- Find a comfortable setting. Overcoming your fear takes time and requires a comfortable, relaxing environment. Avoid distractions (television, computer, unlocked door) that will put you in the wrong head space when you’re supposed to be enjoying yourself.
- Take it slow. With your partner in the comfortable setting of your choice, approach the situation slowly. If your partner wants to race to the finish line, smile (a smile goes a long way in easing tension) and say it’ll be hotter if you both slow down.
If your partner won’t go at your pace, don’t have sex with them. Sex isn’t something you give someone, it’s an experience you share. If someone tries to pressure you sexually, take ownership of your body by getting out of there – and be glad you dodged a bullet.
- Start with kissing and holding hands, then move into deeper kissing. If you feel you're starting to get uncomfortable again, pull back a little and let your partner know.
- Touch each other through your clothing. Agree not to remove your clothes, which will give you a sense of psychological security, and then explore each other’s bodies. Within this safety net, it’ll be much easier to allow yourself to feel turned on.
Giving massages is a great way to pleasure your partner without engaging in strictly sexual touching.
- Talk about what you liked and how you felt during the touching. Letting your partner know what you enjoy is incredibly helpful, and unless they have a dangerously delicate ego (a huge red flag), they’ll be thankful for the information.
You may reflect that your body and mind felt very differently during the experience. Perhaps your body loved it (maybe a pleasurable noise even escaped you) but, mentally, you weren’t at ease. Be sure to tell your partner so that they can help you overcome your anxiety about that touch while still taking into consideration your feelings.
- Try more intimate touching and try experimenting. If you’re nervous, tell your partner you want to go first so that you can touch and please them a bit before being touched yourself. Have them touch you next. Relax, take deep breaths, and tell your partner if you're uneasy.
- Communicate with your partner. Contrary to what the movies would have us believe, sex is very much a trial-and-error process. Anyone who expects every moment of it to be smooth and suave is in for a world of embarrassment.
- Have sex if and when you’re ready.This includes sexual touching, doing so before both people are ready can do unfixable damage to the relationship and your mental health on sex for many years to come. Make sure you know How to Have Safe Sex before you start.
Source: wikihow.com
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